How to Find Joy

Unlike what is presented in the Inside Out movie, Joy and Anger are not good friends. In order to be more joyful, you have to be less angry.

“Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy,” Aristotle. 

There are at times an uncontrollable rage and worry that I can feel in my head. 

Inconsiderate motorcyclist and drivers (a lot of them drive a BMW) in Taiwan are something that really piss me off. Indeed, Taiwan has one of the highest road fatality rates in any civilized places. (It begs the question - is a place civilized with so many irresponsible road users?) The extreme heat in Taiwan does not tend to cool down one’s temper as well. I used to get really angry when those idiots put anyone in danger. 

Yet, I come to realize this act of getting angry is useless.

We are entitled to be angry, but this do no good to myself, my family and the society, unless we take actions by reporting each incidents or starting a campaign on road safety (that started by the Taiwan government is painful to watch). I must admit that I do not have the time, energy, or resources to do so, so this is not an option, yet. 

So I could either suck it up, find my inner peace and move forward when one of these incidents inevitably happen and try my best to take care of myself and my family; or vent the temper at myself (those assholes are sociopaths who don't care).

Unwillingly, I will pick the former.  As many things in life, this is tough to swallow. But - if I wish to be happier and as safe as possible, that seems to be the only way out. 

Not Every Emotions are Equal; Be You Own CEO

In the movie, emotions, even Worry and Anger, are portrayed as lively, cute characters who stay in your head and give you instructions. Yet, in real life, they bring real, sometimes irreparable, damages. 

We should work hard to make Joy a more significant “board member” in our head.

More importantly, these emotions should only give you advice, but not take control.

You, your own consciousness, should be the CEO and ultimate shareholders to make your decision. 

Thinking about Life and Happiness

My wife says that I think and read too much on these happiness issues. (She is a relatively joyful person, which I am very grateful of.)

I disagree. Finding joy is the most important matter in one’s limited time of life. There are Harvard professors who study happiness in their entire careers. Religions are trying to give answers to this very question over thousands of years.

I must have read more than 20 books on this topic (some better than others). Putting those ideas to test in my personal life, the following are the more practical, crucial ideas that actually bring me more joy: - 

1. Have human connections. I am not talking about LinkedIn connections here; but time and experience that you share with family and friends. 
2. Want less. The more successful you are or want to be, the less you should want. (I am still failing miserably on this end and am wanting a lot.)
3. Give instead of take. “If you would like to be selfish, you should do it in a very intelligent way. The stupid way to be selfish is … seeking happiness for ourselves alone. … the intelligent way to be selfish is to work for the welfare of others.” Daila Lama
4. Care less about what others think.
5. Taking good care of yourself. Exercise is the best medicine. Also, do something you like every day. It could be as simple as a half hour coffee reading time in the morning before work. 
6. Give yourself time and space to think. 

The above sounds cliche, I know. But they are very, very real. Try it before you shake that off.

If you are struggling, hope this short article gives you some encouragement and joy. You are not alone. Take care my friends!

 References: 

Inside-Out (1 & 2) - Movies

I May be Wrong by Björn Natthiko Lindeblad, a Swedish economist who became a Buddhist monk

Build the Life You Want - Arthur Brooks, a Harvard Professor who studies happiness (Terrible title I know, but is actually a very good book) 

The Art of Happiness -  Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, a psychiatrist and leading expert on the science of human happiness. 

The Book of Joy -  Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.